yes

Misha Bonaventura's Guide to a

"Fuck Yeah!" Culture

I created this as a guide to a new culture of consent. We must do better and that requires a deep look at power dynamics, an understanding of desire to the point of manipulation, and a clarity of boundaries. Within each of these principles is a complicated set of choices and behaviors. May you discover new ways of interacting that bring you and your partners more joy.

Get Curious & Clear

Make less assumptions and be explicit.

If you’re a hugger, ask before hugging someone. Saying, “I like you and I’d like to get to know you” is hot. Finding out what level of play a person is up for BEFORE engaging is awesome.

Avoid Regrets

Want to avoid regrets?

Listen for the “no”, the “maybe”, the “I’m not sure” inside yourself and with your partner. Some people have a hard time reading body language, use your words. If you want to stop, staying “stop” is often a good way…that’s a good time to stop and check-in.

Know Your Stuff

Having up-to-date STD tests and being able to tell your partner(s) when you last got tested and what you have is super sexy. Saying you’re “clear” instead of “clean” avoids STD shaming.

Listen for the "Yes!"

Yes means yes…

Everything else means no or time to clarify. Not doing anything until you hear, see and feel a YES! is awesome.

Oops! I Overstepped a Boundary

Sometimes it happens. Much of the time it’s by mistake.

Whether it’s doing something to someone, or having your boundaries crossed, it never feels good. Following-up and clearing the air is the best policy.

Protect Everyone

Using barriers with lovers is a true sign of responsible sexiness. Keeping yourself and others healthy and making clear decisions is key to keeping the good times rolling.

This includes avoiding giving people a cold!

The Only Constant is Change

Just because someone says yes once, doesn’t mean they’ll say it again. Changing one’s mind in the middle is totally valid.

Saying “Thank you for taking care of yourself” when you hear a “no” will blow them away.

The Possibilities are Endless

Just because one thing can’t happen, doesn’t mean something else is out.

Hitting a bump is a call for creativity.

“I’m not up for that, but I’d be into…” is skillful negotiating.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Being truthful about your relationship status, your availability, and your sexy habits are the foundation of being a “Fuck Yeah!” rock star.

Check-in at the End

Having a clear closing is key to keeping your sweetie(s) feeling cared for and respected.

Honor them to the end and thank them for sharing themselves with you.